Having just returned from spending a few weeks in the wilderness of Northern Alaska I think back on how it felt when the plane that took me there lifted off the glacier and the roar of the engine faded to a deafening silence. Alone, without most of the things that I surround myself with at home that I feel give my life value and meaning.
Instead, I was there with only the mortal me, the one who was born and will die... alone. I felt strongly how I can fear both living and dying and how that fear can so totally get in the way of opening myself to the experience of myself and others. It occurred to me that I do not have to go to the ends of the earth to know wilderness, to experience that alone-ness and that being alone with myself can be just what I need to learn to embrace myself and live in love with my own true being.
We all share that alone place being human. Who knows, perhaps some day we can even learn to love a glacier?
4 comments:
Dear John, what a journey! your experience of alone, trust and silence reminds me of my trip thru the dessert: a jeep dropped me with my tent in a wadi with the promise that the next morning there will be a Berber guide to take me thru the desert. The jeep left - all alone among the desert stones... al-one?! What, if the guide will not appear? The guide was there the next morning, I learned how utterly dependent I was on him and after two weeks of walking I was a different person.
Welcome home, John. We have to learn to love our glaciers and our deserts. Our obstacles become our guides. The old spiritual proclaims, "You've got to walk that lonesome valley, you've got to walk it by yourself, no one here can walk it for you, you've got to walk it by yourself." By yourself and with yourself, fully present to soul and spirit. Yet as Christiane's experience suggests, none of us walks alone and a guide is sometimes a necessary companion. LLF knows the way through extreme cold and heat. Can't wait to hear about your exploits.
Dear Tim and Christiane,
Thanks for your wonderful comments. It is good to know there are fellow travelers out there who have had similar experiences and and willing to share them. It makes for a rich and wonderful community!
Welcome back, John. Yes, the feeling of aloneness, especially (I imagine) on a glacier at the top of the world, can be paralysingly dreadful. Luckily, most of us are able to gaze around and so experience that we are connected to everything in sight, but it must have been so difficult at times "up there" and such a relief to hear the fragile aircraft again. So glad to see you! Love, Michael
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