We got the call from my brother. Papa had just passed away at the nursing home. My mom and I went out the door.....I suddenly felt him everywhere at once, in the stars, the fragrant night air, the cricket's chorus, the trees, the earth......more potently present than where he had just been, in a body that was broken and painful and uncooperative.
As we moved towards the car, I found myself turning to the thick darkness and saying, "Dad, we're going to say goodbye to your body, but I know you are here....and we'll be right back!"
We arrived at the nursing home, and then we saw his face, and he looked like himself for the first time in a year, really. No more contortion of discomfort, smooth as a calm lake, and a gorgeous smile! So what was your transition like, Dad? Who escorted you through the portal? What does it feel like to expand in every direction with no limitations? How wonderful to be done with your body, and begin anew. I see/feel your smile inside my head/heart and am delighting in this magical experience. I know the waves will hit me harder down the road, but for now I relish in this palpable connection with this mystery, this miracle of death, and with the pleasure of celebrating amazing, brilliant, kind hearted, wonder-filled you with everyone, and with myself. Thank you!
Your loving daughter,
Laura
SHARE YOUR STORY Click here for more information
6 comments:
Thank you for helping me as I re-experience the loss of my mother, one year ago.
If we only can, as you seem to have, connect with the great mystery and magic of passing, this would be a better world. Thanks so much for sharing your story. God Bless you and your family.
This touches my heart with shivers of feelings. I got a call from my sister, Laura as she and Mama were heading to the nursing home. With the phone still clutched in my hand and tears blurring my vision, I walked outside into the night. The sweet man I called Papa had been set free. Such an overwhelming sense of so many emotions, I sank into my chair where I watch the night sky often. I was happy that Papa with his brillant mind and luminous soul was no longer trapped in his earthbound crippled body...yet I was sad that we all had lost such an incredible being. I am still journeying through the love and the loss. But that night, as I was watching the skies, the full moon turned inexplicably into a brillant golden orb. I was filled with the sense that all was as it was supposed to be.
As Papa always greeted us on the phone and in person, I said "Merry Christmas, Papa! I hope you know how much I love you."
Your other loving daughter,
Becki
A few months ago I did not understand why myself and my family had not been included in dad's time of life after the surgery and nursing home acivities. I expressed the fustration of not having myself and my family's time with dad acknowledged during and after his surgery. I now note that again my family and myself are not mentioned, nor included with picture, involving our love and care giving for dad!!! Why am I and my family not reconized???? I am the man of this family now!!! I will reconize and honor my dad's wishes and make sure momma is taken care of. Merry DAMN chritsmas to the rest that do not believe that I am a part of this family. THE WAR IS ON.
So sorry, John, that you do not feel acknowledged for the love and care you and your family gave your Papa leading up to his death, and again now.
I know, as I lost my Dad recently too, that often it is hard to get what I think I need from a situation, even when I felt sure I communitcated my position well. Dealing with death, like actually dying, is a lonely time-- grief hurts more that anyone else can know.
I for one appreciate all of you guys and share in your pain of loss. In some ways the death of your Dad helped to bring our family together again and heal some past seperations. I hope and I pray that in time you can learn to forgive others and not carry this extra burden. As Dad would say often, and eloquently, PEACE. Love you, Brother.
John I can relate to your feelings of frustration, grief and lack of acknowledgement. It is good that you felt able to express these feelings. My situation seems to be similar - only I have just one older brother and no sisters. I could never do enough or be enough or love enough to feel my parents viewed me as they did my brother. I always felt left out, not good enough and always neglected in favor of the good son. In my mid thirties, I suddenly lost my father with no warning to a stroke. It was a hard blow. I was left feeling so sad and so angry. I tried my best to help my mother but I felt that she turned away from me and my family. One day I was feeling like a pressure cooker and was afraid that I would simply explode. I managed to get myself out into a private spot in the forest near my home. I shouted and screamed and cried and found that angry and hurt stuff just poured out of me. It felt good to be able to blow off this steam. I can't say that this changed my situation. Mother still called my brother and she refused to see me for myself. I did my best to do what I could to help her. Sadly I lost my Mother about a year after my father's passing. We never resolved our issues. My brother and I were not able to resolve our issues. I have so much anger and guilt still inside of me. I wonder why I wasn't good enough. I am trying hard to understand all my emotions. Heck, I am trying hard to feel taht I am a person of value. This stuff is so hard. I wish you luck as you sort out the issues you have to confront in your self. I am working hard at understanding, forgiving and feeling good about who I am. I hope you also are able to face and forgive and finally find some inner peace. It is danged hard.
Post a Comment