Imagine Loving Thy Neighbor as Thyself

This is the time of year when many remember One who loved his neighbors as himself and died for them. I thought that the following piece that will shortly appear in my new book, Gazing at the Lighthouse: Reflections on the Loving Life might be of interest, and I offer it with love.

We are urged to love our neighbors as ourselves, and it is a disaster for the neighbors. In fact, most of us hardly know our neighbors and probably don’t like them, never mind love them. No big surprise, because many of us are also unfamiliar with ourselves. Loving ourselves is something that we have been lead to believe is weak or self-indulgent or narcissistic, regardless of the fact that Narcissus killed himself because he discovered that he was unable to love himself.

What if we really loved ourselves and then acted in the same manner towards those around us! Imagine waking up and saying to ourselves, “Good morning! How glad I am to see you!” Imagine being our own best friend, someone we can trust to whom we can take our concerns and worries without fear of judgment. Imagine being comfortable with solitude yet relishing connectedness!

Loving ourselves is giving voice to our feminine Soul nature. In our increasingly masculine world, the feminine within men is often unfamiliar. If as men we love ourselves or love other men, then we imagine we must be gay, regardless of the fact that sexual preference has little or nothing to do with love.

If we love ourselves, we might believe this to be a statement that we prefer self-love to a sexual relationship with another, regardless of the fact that masturbation and sexual relationships may have nothing to do with love: they may be more akin to scratching an itch than being expressions of love. If we feel love towards a woman other than our wife, that love is often seen as off limits because coveting our neighbor’s wife is taboo, and it must mean that we want sex, regardless of the fact that we can love ourselves and others without sexual activity. So men are often lonely and out of touch with their feminine nature. They may only allow themselves sports talk, backslapping, and a variety of addictions and protective habits with men and flirtatious but not deeply penetrating exchanges with women.

For women and for men, loving ourselves is the best preparation for unconditionally loving others. Many women who have little love for themselves dedicate their lives to filling the feminine void in men. Filling the emptiness of another is impossible, as broken marriages and other relationships tell us, and neither the woman nor the man is satisfied once the bloom of sex is diminished.

So let’s imagine loving ourselves. We will need to practice forgiveness; we will need to practice letting go of the doubts, judgments, and limitless ways in which we torture ourselves for not being someone else. Let’s look in the mirror and love what we see. Let’s meditate lovingly on ourselves, and when we feel fulfilled, the love will spill over and nourish others.

Michael Murphy

Cracks and muscles

Mortal, Soul, and Spirit — the Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project unites these three aspects of ourselves into a trinity of well-being and inner strength. The Mortal is our physical self, the one that eats and breathes, toils and dances, and must eventually die. For each of us, the Mortal takes the guise of one gender or the other, but what the Soul and Spirit recognize is that within each of us we possess both the feminine and the masculine. The Soul is that feminine part of us that can love unconditionally and gaze in rapt attention at another without judging, and feel the heart fill. The Spirit, our masculine energy, is the voice of inspiration and enthusiasm, the nudge that prods us to live life and meet our destiny.

When I began in LLF earlier this year, I was astonished by how little I was acquainted with my own soul and spirit. Although the idea that each of us embodies male and female energy was not new to me, I only knew it as an idea, an abstract concept carried in my head. For me, as for so many others, my intellect had become not a way to engage with life but a clever means of escaping it. I began to see this as the exercises of Love, Loss, and Forgiveness had their effect on me, which was first to crack the thick crust that had formed over my inner life. As Leonard Cohen says, the cracks are how the light gets in; very quickly, I began to feel alive in ways I had longed for but had not known how to achieve.

Once Soul is stirred, life takes on a texture and depth that feels almost miraculous. My emotions woke up to a different space. As I have begun to feel more deeply within myself, I find I am able to respond more genuinely to the outer world. One aspect of our personal soul is the way it connects to the souls of others, and to the larger mystery of Soul that unites everyone and everything. It's a thing called Love. As Soul has come alive in me, my spirit, which before had been largely a mechanism of responsibility, duty, and stymied dreams, has begun to grow its muscles as well. I have experienced a new level of creativity, confidence, and courage, outward manifestations of Spirit. Spirit animates the world, literally sets it in motion. And so we can begin.  — Timothy Cahill  

Good Mourning

Last week I attended a funeral service for a stillborn infant of 23 weeks. The young twenty year old parents were surrounded by many friends and family members. The priest greeted us with the words that most of heard as ‘Good morning’. How strange I thought. She acknowledged the strangeness of the greeting and clarified that she really meant ‘Good mourning’, that we were going to take our time to mourn the loss of this infant, and to acknowledge that the mourning would continue. And that is the way it would be…

Ah, now I understood the profound greeting and immediately thought of the Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project. My first experience with the LLF Project allowed me to experience the loss of my Dad in very powerful ways. One way was through the realization that his death was an intense ‘scream’ in my life, a time when one feels a deep loss and a scream, whether voiced or internal, is the sincerest response. My Trio- myself, and two others who acted as a witness and a guide- gently allowed me the expression of that loss in a way in which I could embrace the love that my mortal Dad had given me and to acknowledge that he would no longer be here as he had been. Yeah, Dad! You are still in my heart!

-Kate Reid

The journey started for me...

There is a ring I wear on my right hand, a ring made up of three interlocking bands of gold: yellow, white, and rose. Even though each one is lovely in its reflective, pure nature, the three bands cannot be fully separated from each other, and all three are necessary to make this trinity ring. You are able to spread them apart, you can allow air to blow freely through them, but they are forever entwined.

I’ve been wearing this ring since I first put it on last May in my “wedding ceremony”, standing on the banks of a lovely cove in the middle of formal gardens in Ireland. My dear witnesses were two women whom I had never met until five days’ previous. I was pledging to love and be faithful to myself, and to respect and honor all aspects of my being: mortal, soul, and spirit. Thus, the three interlocking bands. This was the culmination of an amazing week with people who had been strangers to me but who had all experienced a life-changing workshop on Love, Loss & Forgiveness.

This journey started for me when I attended a weekend mini-workshop with Michael a year ago in Troy, NY. I experienced the first steps towards profound changes in my approach to life, to those in my life, and to myself. I took a risk and signed up for the week-long workshop in Ireland, which led me to that little cove, accompanied by other seekers. And I’m thrilled to have this opportunity to impart my experiences with you all, and hear about yours in return.

You and I are able to connect through our stories, how we got involved with the Project, our first tentative steps, our fears and enthusiasms, those “Eureka! “ moments as well as the slow awakenings to self-love, and our applying what we’ve learned to “Real Life”. We do the work ourselves, but how wonderful to be able to bond and learn from each other as well!

It is my intent to write a new blog entry at least once a week. I also hope you will write back and take advantage of this opportunity to build our little supportive community around the globe.

May the blessings of Love be upon us! CD

Romanian Reflections

Photos by Traian

Here are a few pictures from the recent LLF Workshop in Romania!

Always great to see Michael at work.

Brings back powerful memories of past workshops myself.

Here's to gazing everyone!

Warm Regards,

Kelly Hurley

Roadtrip to Now

By Roger Wyatt

The miles fly by. I pass an eighteen wheeler out of Quebec. From my car radio comes the music of my youth - Led Zeppelin, Beatles, Kinks. The miles fly by. I'm headed to Ohio to spend time with my departed wife's family. She died ten months ago.

In Syracuse, I get gas. In Buffalo, I pay a toll. In Erie, I stop for a meal. Back on the road. I'm into the rhythm of the journey. The music drives me as much as the gas - Stones, Supremes, James Brown.

Life is not static. I intend to tell them about the new woman in my life and how deep and serious our relationship is. This roadtrip flows and changes just as our lives do. ... When she died, we spent our last moments together with eyes locked in an intense gaze. There was no more to say, just a loving gaze to share as she sliped out of her body and into eternity. In seconds a life can change forever.

Suddenly I see fragments of a blown out tire in the road ahead of me. I swerve past it. Two seconds later I see smoke from the car whose tire had blown. A second later I see the car in front of me has stopped to stare or to help. Time has slowed and seconds have become lifetimes.

I'm traveling at seventy five miles per hour. If I don't react immediatly I will plow into the back of that car. I will die or be maimed along with the other driver. In the next second I swerve into the right hand lane. In reaction to my high speed maneuver, my car fish-tails, wildly swerving left and right. In the next second I pass that stopped car. I have control of my vehicle but do I control the length of my life? Our time is not our own.

When she died what needed to be said had been said. But life keeps flowing. If my life had ended in that auto incident so much would have been left unsaid with so many others. Now is the only time we actually have. The past is a blurred memory and the future is yet to be. We must use the present wisely, it is all we have. Now is the time to say what needs to be said.

Michael Writes a Letter from Laz

Dr. Traian Strambu in Ireland, Photo by Roger Wyatt

The house on the hill in Laz, Romania, a small village in Transylvania, was the home of Dr. Traian Strambu’s grandfather. Traian is the heart and soul of the Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project in Romania. He first invited me here after he participated in a workshop I gave in Ireland. A psychiatrist by trade, he is a warm and enthusiastic man, as passionate about LLFP as I am, so it was easy to become friends.

The three generations of participants in this workshop ranged from a fourteen year old girl, who came with her mother, two other teenagers, and eight others. Everyone was silent as the beginning of the workshop—awed and a bit fearful about what was to come. They sat pensively waiting for permission to speak. The Talking Stick gave them that permission. This initial Silence seemed a shadow from the particularly dangerous and malignant brand of communism that bred fear and distrust throughout the country and was made more poignant by the dark mantel of guilt and secrecy brought on and practiced by the church.

I could easily feel the warmth of these beautiful people, but that warmth at first seemed to be hidden from themselves, and each other. However, when given “permission” to talk, they opened right up-- for they were literally dying to talk. It was so moving to witness their struggle to find the words necessary to give voice to their suffering-- and when they dared to speak, they cried fountains of tears that had been unshed for years.

We also laughed a lot, and had an evening of fun-- for Romanians love to sing and dance and enjoy life, however difficult.

Poverty is the rule here, and most of the people attending could not afford this, or any other workshop. I envision a time when the Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project community will be vital enough to help make available the practices of LLF to these brothers and sisters in Romania and other less fortunate places around the world.

I wish you all could have met these beautiful people, because you would have loved them as I do. Perhaps someday you will have that opportunity, as we expand our LLFP Internet programs and open new channels for communication with one another.

With love, Michael.

Michael Leaves for Romaina Today!

Micheal is off to Romania today to meet with Romianian LLFP practitioners and lead a workshop.Thanks to Traian and Simona Bernat, and others, Romania is home to a lot of project activity, with active groups of nine and annual start up workshops given by Michael. Michael will be staying with Dr. Traian Tudor Strimbu at his home on the waters edge. This should be another amazing series of meetings!

This also kicks off for Michael, and the LLFP, an exciting time for the Project, as John Carlson, Roger Wyatt and Kelly Hurley of MediaThinks Inc. will be heading the development of a whole new Internet membership platform for the organization and running of LLFP activities internationally. More on this new way for you all to stay in contact with each other and the project on this blog in the coming weeks...

Please keep in touch, we love would love to hear from you in the comment sections of the posts.The Love, Loss and Forgiveness Project is about all of us, it can become an important international movement for Living the Loving Life!

"I was frozen inside..."

"I have been involved with the LLP-project-work since 2000. In that time we called it "Murphy-training", because we didn't have a name for it yet. During these nine years I came together with many groups and I have SEEN wonders happen doing Michael Murphy's work. As a witness and a guide I have seen TRANSFORMATIONS happen in other people...I have experienced the power of "listening without judging", the power of " looking in the mirror," and these taught me (as a general practitioner and a human being) that there is always hope ... for everyone... even when we go through very bad things or very difficult times.

I also learned I cannot do this when I'm alone with a patient. We need TRIOS-- the story-teller needs a witness AND a guide. So now during my work, when I met people that I as a GP can't help alone, I know there is hope for them if we can practice in the trio's of the LLF Project. And then came 2009... and a crisis for me. My body didn't allow me to do what I wanted it to do. Tired and exhausted… (How was that possible?), I felt I had lost a part of myself, but I did not know what to do, where to go, or why this was happening to me.

I went to Ireland this September to the Love, Loss and Forgiveness Project workshop of Michael Murphy .... and there I felt the WONDER of transformation happen IN ME. It took only 36 hours....and I was "my whole self" again... I could cry again... I could really laugh from inside, again... and I felt, and I still feel the warmth of LOVE deep within me. I was frozen inside and was becoming a hard women…

My difficult time is not over yet, but I'm sure I will become better, and I know that it will take time and as Michael always says, “it is VERY SIMPLE, BUT NOT EASY.”

I'm so grateful that I know the Project, and that I can help to spread it a little bit in my region in the future".

Krista from Belgium

Michael's Musings- The Grand Canyon

"The Mortal needs to be aware of and Gaze at his own Soul and Spirit in order to have meaning in his life, for the Mortal without Soul and Spirit is loveless. In the same way, the Soul and the Spirit of the Grand Canyon need a Mortal to Gaze at them if the Canyon is to be loved and have meaning, for if there is nobody there to Gaze, the nature is loveless.

Our inner life is like the Colorado streaming through the unimaginable depths and heights of our being, with the ever-changing light at dawn and dusk inspiring Soul and Spirit, and the moments of illumination in between cause Mortals to gasp with wonder at the ebb and flow of life. At night, everything vanishes into the darkness that is both prelude to a new day, and a reminder to Gazing Mortals that time is running out. (Visited with Sandra and John on November 20-21 2008)"


This post is excerpted from a book by Michael, of Love, Loss, and Forgiveness essays, to be published in 2010.

The Welcome Book is here!

The Project's Welcome Book is now available and can be downloaded here, and soon from the website.

This eight-page booklet is a summary of the Project and Practices. Please share it freely with associates, colleagues, friends and family members; introducing them to the project and answering questions they may have before becoming involved.

The lighthouse is the Project’s symbol, may it also light the way for others.

This booklet is the group effort of Michael, Sandra Murphy, and me; along with help from the US Board, friends in The Netherlands, Belgium, and Romania. It features the lovely design work of graphic artist, Paul Miyamoto, a former Board member and a good friend of the Project.

The Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project wishes to thank all those gave generously of their time and energy to make this publication a reality.

Welcome!

Spring Blessings

(Photo: © 2008 John Carlson )

Spring is in the air, and I feel like I should be on a plane to Ireland again ! ( we have been the last 2 springs! )

I just returned from New Mexico and spent 2 weeks with my Son, Rob. He is in the Air Force, and will be deployed to Qatar the end of May. It was wonderful to spend this time with him and be in some warmer weather.

I attended Michael's weekend workshop in Dec. at Dr. John's home in Traverse City. It was wonderful, even though it was a lot shorter than the others, there is always more learning in a great project.

I would like to share a blessing from John O' Donohue's book " To Bless the Space Between us". It is a wonderful book... if you get the chance, pick it up, it is great & uplifting with many beautiful blessings.

This blessing reminds me so of learning to love oneself..."

For Solitude

May you recognize in your life the presence, power and

light of your soul.

May you realize that you are never alone,

that your soul in its brightness and belonging

connects you intimately with the rhythm of the universe.

May you have respect for your individuality and difference.

May you realize that the shape of your soul is unique,

that you have a special destiny here,

that behind the facade of you life

there is something beautiful and eternal happening.

May you learn to see you self

with the same delight,

pride and expectation

with which God sees you in every moment.

I love this blessing, that last verse reminds me of the mirror practice.I remember the first time I did it, and how hard it was, and I could not do it. I have learned so much from this project, and the wonderful people I met in it. It helped me though the hardest time in my life. I cherish each friendship of the people I met, and learned something from each and every one.

I hope to do more in the future, and look forward to the project growing and passing on to others.

Hope to see you again sometime.

Much Love,

Suzie.

“Solitude” from: TO BLESS THE SPACE BETWEEN US (Doubleday 2008)

© John O'Donohue. All rights reserved. Used by permission of John’s estate. http://johnodonohue.com/books/

Sharings

"Sharings" is a new thread made up of postings written by participants of the love, loss, and forgiveness practices all over the world. Share with us your experiences, insights, joys, challenges etc. And use the comment section to communicate with with others on your journey towards living more loving lives!

Send your sharings to me, John Carlson at emailjdc@gmail.com


"One of the practices last weekend transformed my relationship with my brother. He and I had more (and better) times together in the last three days then, it seems, years and years. And we have great plans for the coming weekend... and plans to sail together this summer.

I fixed a mirror close to my computer monitor so I can turn my head and easily take gaze-breaks while I am here. I like it. I am very happy. "

John O.

Starting up in America!

This past weekend, I had the privilege of facilitating a "start-up" workshop in Troy, NY. This was a "sampler" workshop that gives people some experiences of the Practices with which they will become involved when they join a 9-person Love, Loss, and Forgiveness group. We have organized similar "start-up" workshops in Michigan, and also in Belgium, the Netherlands and Romania. It was an amazing experience for all of us, and I wrote the following to the participants:

Dear Storytellers Who Are Also Beautiful Witnesses and Guides!

I am personally very grateful for your participation in the start-up workshop this past weekend. Your involvement gives me much hope for the Project, nudging us all to continue the Practices we all need in order to lead more loving lives. These practices for living have never been part of any curriculum in schools, or many homes, for that matter.

It is not easy to Gaze at ourselves in the mirror, even though it is so very simple! Much easier to Gaze and give to others. Yet how can we love others, unconditionally, if we have so little time and love for ourselves?

It is not easy, and may seem disloyal to speak about our family when all was not well for us when growing up. Yet if we don't speak, we betray ourselves by continuing to carry burdens of resentment and self-neglect, and nothing will change. If we are to make life-saving changes at the global and national levels, we must start with ourselves.

As you may remember me saying, I was not able to speak to my mother before she died. I was too terrified, and I didn't have the words. Fifteen years after she died, I was able to have a ten-minute conversation with her in a session like we experienced together last weekend, and I was able to forgive and be forgiven and express unconditional love like I never had before, letting go of shame, guilt, rage, and more. The good news is that we can learn to say what needed to be said, even if important people in our lives are no longer with us, but why wait so long?

Many realized through the workshop, that if we are to become loving storytellers, witnesses, and guides with others, we must first become more loving towards ourselves; and we discovered, for most of us, how difficult that is!

You made a great start, and I will be with you in Soul and in Spirit along the way as you continue the Practices in your Community-based groups.

With love to you all, Michael

P.S. In order to give others some idea about what happens in Love, Loss, and Forgiveness groups, we would love to have you post your experiences of this weekend start-up workshop, including any artworks you would like to share, on this blog.

Send posts to John at emailjdc@gmail.com Please put the words "LLFP Blog Post" in the subject line. Thanks.

Let's keep the practices alive and movement towards more loving lives growing!

Michael on Radio Show from Bennington Vermont (UPDATED)

I will be joining Michael tomorrow to do a radio program from 10:00-11:00am about our efforts over the past two years to develop the Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project as an international community of groups of nine who work independently on the practices of love, loss, and forgiveness. Dr. Carol Tunney, the shows hostess, spent a week in April of 2008 at a Love, Loss and Forgiveness workshop lead by Michael at Dzogchen Beara in Ireland. The Station is WBTN, 1370 AM, in Bennington, Vermont, USA. The show is "Natural Instincts: Health, Healing, and Conscious Living." So, if you are local, tune in. If not, I will try and post the audio here for you to enjoy.

(UPDATE) Here is an audio stream of the show. Enjoy, and thank you, Dr. Carol Tunney, for giving us the opportunty to get the word out!

The Many Faces of Loss

Loss takes on may guises. I am just beginning to understand this. I always associated loss with great sadness, but I am learning that loss is not always sad but is always life altering.

I am losing. I am losing weight and yes, that is a type of loss. All my life I have struggled with overweight issues. Discovering why it has been such a struggle is helping me let go of the past and move into the future that I desire.


I'm starting to let go. Letting go of all the things that my child-self thinks the extra pounds are hiding. What has it been hiding from if not my self. It's a wondrous path of discovery, and very scary. I fear that I will once again fail in my quest. I fear that my imaginings of what life will be like without a weight problem will not be any different. Then I ask, how could it not? Loss is transformative. To successfully confront this loss, I must be honest with myself. And yes, I must look at loss from a new perspective, one with anticipation of the new things to open up as opposed to holding onto the safety of the past. This is a joyous loss and one I need to celebrate while still honoring the feelings of loss.

The past informs our lives, but it does not need to dictate our future. I think that this loss is teaching me that I must Forgive-- forgive myself; Let Go-- lose the tethers that hold me back; Love-- the present, embracing all the possibilities that come without fear.

Unprepared Transformation

After a longish day cleaning out my parents' house, I was in the local grocery store. Dashing to get through my list so I could get home and wash off the grime and exhaustion, I was caught up short by the gaze. I mean frozen (or warmed) in my tracks. There it was in the ground beef section, beaming between a mom and her infant, rendering them oblivious of all but their oneness. It was stunning.

Then it was over as if it had not been. Mom turned to ponder the sirloin vs. the chuck and the infant, after a brief pause to see if Mom's focus would return, let his eyes wander. They shifted smoothly, but they had been somewhere very, very else.

I was unprepared for how transformed I, a mere observer, was by their gaze. Its radiated light bestowed a sense of wholeness and belonging upon me as well. When I too moved on, the grime and fatigue of the day were weightless. –Nancy Harding

Michael's Musings- The Winds of Spring

There is a huge storm churning the waves in south-west Ireland where I am living and writing these words, and it seems like Spring is blowing winter out to sea to make room for new beginnings.

Spring and Easter are special times to remind ourselves about Love, Loss, and Forgiveness; If we forget or neglect these facets of our lives, we will be chained to impossible dreams of others, going nowhere alone and forever carrying burdens that cause us endless suffering.

I knew little of love in earlier years. I was told that God loved me. Perhaps he or she did, but I certainly didn’t. As I look back, I see myself surrounded by good people who often spoke about love but practiced self-neglect. I learned obediently from them, and love never became a part of me until much later in life. Like those in my proximity, I also attempted to ignore most of my losses and my screams, and seldom if ever experienced loss as a catalyst for living a more loving life.

Furthermore, without self-love, forgiveness was an impersonal religious ritual that passed me by, never releasing me from shame and guilt and self-neglect. But in later years in the hospice and in my workshops I was fortunate to learn before it was too late.

Soon the storm will pass, and in the opening moments of spring we will film a workshop on Love, Loss, and Forgiveness as part of the Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project. We trust that the films that emerge from the lives of courageous people who will offer us glimpses of their stories will encourage large numbers of people from everywhere embrace Love, Loss, and Forgiveness in their own lives. We will re-member our three natures—Mortal, Soul, and Spirit—and in remembering, enable ourselves to live lives fueled by love rather than wasting our mortality going through the motions of living paralyzed by fear and hatred.

Pause for a moment and gaze out to sea. Can you hear the promise of Spring from the far side of the wind?

Listen.

--Michael Murphy March 10th 2008: Castletownbere, West Cork

(Photo: J. Carlson copyright 2007)

What does "LOVE" mean?

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does 'love' mean? The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.


'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'
Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'
Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'
Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
C lare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'
C hris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day'
Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)
Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'
Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8

And the final one...

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

What does love mean to you?

Michael's Musings - Leadership

February: Is the month of my birthday. Even though I will be seventy-seven (usually on the last day of the month, but not this year), I have not retired. I have advanced. I am still pregnant with possibilities, and I have tried to adopt a new way of imagining my Spirit, because we are in urgent need of a new and vital form of Spirit that will lead us out of the dreadful dangers we are in. You and I must rise up and become the leaders we need. Let’s do it together. Happy birthday!
Leadership in the face of Dragons, Warriors, and Other Dangers

How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love. –Rilke

Rage and fire and dragons may be transformed by the loving feminine into a masculine Spirit that protects and makes safe rather than one that conquers and kills. Young boys are often snatched too early from the maternal (and sometimes paternal) Soul that would have taught them softness. Instead, thrust into the arena of competition that judges them winners or losers, and admires marines and other terror-mongers that breathe fire and death, they learn to become warriors who are feted as heroes. What causes us to make monsters out of men? All too often, marines and other warriors return home so very much alone, and discover that their brutalized Souls have forsaken them causing love to pass them by. Many are suffering from Post Traumatic Soul Derangement, and, like Narcissus, some kill themselves while others take pills and potions in a desperate attempt to fill the void. Others act with beauty and courage, and only in the face of beauty and courage will love reappear.

For our survival, we need a new paradigm for the masculine Spirit. We need a Spirit—a leader—that acts with beauty and courage and makes us safe for love. The age-old winner-warrior may promise security and appear to be powerful, but this Spirit creates legions of losers and coffins full of the dead who will haunt us.

In the umbra of a disastrous and untrustworthy US Presidential leadership wholly lacking in beauty and courage, we crave a new leadership that will inspire us to rise up and channel our energy into a powerhouse of love. We need a hopeful and inspirational alternative to the hunter-gatherer leaders or the heroic warrior leaders who are violent Spirits from the dark side of history that still repeats itself as we fight each other and consume ourselves to death. We need not wait for the coming of a new political Spirit. We may adopt this new paradigm of masculine Spirit that will love our feminine Soul, and then our Mortal nature will feel safe and well prepared to live the loving life. Then and only then will the world be transformed. --Michael Murphy