Michael Murphy on WAMC

Michael was a guest on WAMC's  Medical Monday show. You can hear it here.
http://wamc.org/post/vox-pop-medical-monday-dr-n-michael-murphy-11413#disqus_thread

Dr. Murphy in the Netherlands

Last month Michael returned to de Voorde in the Netherlands to facilitate an LLFP workshop put together by Victoria Annegarn and Maria Bosman, who are organizing a number of events for the Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project NL. He will be returning there for another workshop on November 23. Here is an update from Michael about his experience there:

“What a delight to back in the Netherlands with a group of people eager to explore love, and how we can live more loving lives! At a time when politicians compete violently and greedily for the prize of power, we often find we are consuming ourselves to death and loving our planet, ourselves, and each other less and less. In the workshop we gazed at ourselves and each other and discovered once again that it is so easy to gaze at a child and be "in" love with her as she is "in" love with us. Yet it seems impossibly difficult to gaze with love at the child/adolescent/adult/old person within ourselves.

I believe that this self-hatred is THE major barrier to living more peaceful and loving lives individually and collectively. We witnessed this self-neglect in ourselves and each other in the workshop. We also discovered that it is NEVER too late to change this hateful attitude (it took me sixty years or more!) Many in the group decided to continue on a more loving path by joining a nine-member, 9-month group close to home, and a number of others decided to come to Dzogchen Beara in Ireland next May for further inspiration.

I am so looking forward to another group on November 23rd because I KNOW that it will be different from the earlier group but essentially the same. I know that these future participants, (like everyone else in the Netherlands, the US, and everywhere)  have within them an inexhaustible supply of love that is often covered over by hatred, judgments, and neglect, and if we ALL practice how to uncover this power supply, we could change the world for the better! “

                                                                                         With love, Michael

Science of the Gaze

The Gaze is one of the important Practices of the Love, Loss and Forgiveness Project. Here is a clip where Neuroscientist and psychotherapist Allan Shore discusses the science of  healthy attachment.

LLFP on Radio WBTN 1370 AM Bennington, VT June 8th 10-11am

Dr. Michael Murphy and John Carlson will be live on Carol Tunney and John Hearsts' health related call in talk show, "Be Well!", in Bennington, Vermont to talk about the Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project and upcoming Living the Loving Life Workshops. (Like the one in Bennington on June 22 and 23rd at the Yoga Place).

In Bennington? Tune into WBNT 1370 on the AM dial on Friday, June 8, 2012  from 10-11 am   

 If you are not in the Bennington, Vt area, no worries, you can listen live online by going to http://www.wbtnam.org/index.php and clicking on the "Listen Live" link.  

Tune in, call in (prime the call in questions pump!), tell others! Here is an opportunity to get your questions answered about the Project and how it can be helpful to you, your family, and your community. Talk to you then!

Reflections on the Group of Nine Experience # 2

“I simply want to love and be loved.  Simple, yet not easy.  Fear arises in the body.  And fear can easily cause me to wander off my intended path.  Isn’t that true of the human condition, though?”
 
“Having intimately danced with the death of my beloved husband recently, I now know what multitudes before me have experienced.  And, the questions…  Profound questions arise following that last breath taken by a beloved spouse.  “Now, just why am I  here?” was certainly one of the immediate ones.” 

“To deeply love myself” has been the only answer that has made sense to me.  It will be loving kindness towards myself that will allow me to heal and keep loving life in its totality until my own death arrives. The spiritual practices experienced in the healing presence of the Love, Loss and Forgiveness Group of Nine supports me in deepening my experience of, and capacity for, living the loving life.  I offer a bow of deep gratitude for the timely arrival of the Love, Loss and Forgiveness Project in my life.” 
           

  ~Brenda

Reflections on the Group of Nine Experience # 1

There have been a number of new community based Groups of  Nine forming lately. We thought this new blog thread would be an opportunity to help give voice to the varied experiences people have as they do the Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project practices. Here is a place to share with others who are already involved in groups and with those who are new to the Project and want to understand the project better (download the free Welcome Book by clicking on it to the right of this post).

If you read something here that inspires or moves you, please comment. If you are inspired to write a short piece about your own experience send it to llfproject@gmail.com and it will be posted. You can write anonomously or sign your work, as you please. The important thing is to realize that we are not alone on our quest for living a more loving life. Enjoy these stories.

The Group of Nine meeting that I attended for the first time this past Sunday was, without doubt, a singularly stellar inner experience for me.  

I am not new to this kind of work - I have been on 'the path'  for many years and have participated in any number of workshops, conferences, trainings and the like, all of which have contributed in positive ways to the person I have become. But Sunday something shifted within me that never occurred before.  

I got in touch with an inner compassion for myself that I've experienced before for others but never for myself.  It was alarming at first - when I see others pain, my first instinct is to want to hold them in my embrace and assure them that all is well, even though it might not feel that way at the moment. Suddenly, I wanted to do the same thing for myself in the gazing experience and by golly, I did!

The tears that have never come easily flowed with the grace of a gentle stream and the gracious compassion of my witnesses put me into a space I'm still in today as I write these words. I love the man I am becoming and I have such gratitude for that little kid who birthed this process so many heartfelt years ago. He is my new hero.

Thank you LLFP.

Bill Hirschen
Slingerlands, NY

Workshop, Bennington, Vt June 22nd & 23rd

Living the Loving Life Workshop
This experiential workshop reveals pathways to live a life of meaning and love. Group gatherings and three-person exercises explore practices of love, loss, and forgiveness that are fundamental to well-being. Through honoring ourselves with care and compassion, we experience a deeper, more satisfying connection with loved ones, neighbors, coworkers, and others.

When: Friday eve, June 22nd  5:30- 9:00 and Saturday, June 23rd 9:00-5:00

Where: The Yoga Place  532 Main St. Bennington, VT  (802) 447-0101

Workshop tuition is $120. (There are limited scholarships available)

Registration is limited, please contact us before June 15, 2012

In this workshop you will experience the practices of the Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project:

•Develop deep listening skills and gain the courage to speak openly
•Grow in your capacity to unconditionally love yourself and others and know contentment
•Honor death and dying and relinquish your fears
•Overcome disappointments and embrace losses
•Learn to let go of your painful stories, forgive yourself and others and experience true freedom

Please join us! Reserve your place. Registration is limited.

Workshop tuition is $120. Upon receiving payment, you will be sent an info packet with directions to the venue. Please bring your own snack and lunch. Coffee and tea provided.

Questions? Want to Register? Contact:   

John Carlson  llfproject@gmail.com  

The Love, Loss and Forgiveness Project (LLFP) offers workshops for individuals and organizations and support for community-based groups. We focus on human attributes essential for promoting personal confidence, community building, and the ability for all to help themselves and others live well. This project is based on the work of Dr. Michael Murphy, a pioneer of the hospice movement in the United States, and has been developed and refined over two decades in the United States and Europe. To find out more about this extraordinary movement and its founder, visit our website at www.lovelossforgiveness.org

Group of Nine Forming in Mechanicsville, NY

There is a Community based Group of Nine forming in Mechanicsville, NY and is still in need of two members. Our first gathering will be on Saturday, March 24 from 9-4pm. If anyone is interested, please email llfproject@gmail.com for more information. Thanks.

Inspiration on Vulnerability

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Please click on this You-Tube video. For inspiration, for more keys towards living a more loving life.

http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=1796

WORKSHOP February 28th and 29th

Living the Loving Life Workshop
This experiential workshop reveals pathways to live a life of meaning and love. Group gatherings and three-person exercises explore practices of love, loss, and forgiveness that are fundamental to well-being. Through honoring ourselves with care and compassion, we experience a deeper, more satisfying connection with loved ones, neighbors, coworkers, and others.

Saturday, February 25th 8:30- 5:00 and Sunday, February 26th 9:30- 2:00
At the Still Point Interfaith Retreat Center 20 Stillpoint Rd , Mechanicville, NY 12118

In this workshop you will experience the practices of the Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project:

•Develop deep listening skills and gain the courage to speak openly
•Grow in your capacity to unconditionally love yourself and others and know contentment
•Honor death and dying and relinquish your fears
•Overcome disappointments and embrace losses
•Learn to let go of your painful stories, forgive yourself and others and experience true freedom

Please join us! Reserve your place. Registration is limited.

Workshop tuition is $120. Upon receiving payment, you will be sent an info packet with directions to the venue. Please bring your own snack and lunch. Coffee and tea provided.

Workshop logistics Questions? Contact Lori Mershon call 518-581-3180 ext 301 or email: twofeathers27@hotmail.com

LLFProject Organization Questions? Contact John Carlson 518-677-5564 llfproject@gmail.com

The Love, Loss and Forgiveness Project (LLFP) offers workshops for individuals and organizations and support for community-based groups. We focus on human attributes essential for promoting personal confidence, community building, and the ability for all to help themselves and others live well. This project is based on the work of Dr. Michael Murphy, a pioneer of the hospice movement in the United States, and has been developed and refined over two decades in the United States and Europe. To find out more about this extraordinary movement and its founder, visit our website at www.lovelossforgiveness.org

Gazing Blindly

I have a good friend, no, Great Friend, named Jan. Eight years ago this vibrant woman, with whom I shared a once-a-month lunch and hours of good honest conversation as she mentored me through my new experiences in school administration, became gravely ill. She ended up in the hospital, in a coma for a month, rehab centers for several more and then into nursing facilities where she has lived her life bed-ridden ever since. She has lost her sight but she can still "see". Somehow, when I walk into her room, before I even say anything, she knows how I am. When I am about to leave she always thanks me for the visit. I in turn always thank her for the time together, because when this blind friend "gazes" at me-and she does gaze at me- I know that I am loved.

Getting Below the Surface

What we see of ourselves is only the tip of our own iceberg. There is so much more below the surface that is invisible to us as well as to others as they try to navigate around the surfaces that we present to them.  This hidden bulk can be dangerous to all concerned.

One of the benefits I find of doing the practices of the Love, Loss and Forgiveness Project is that they get me below my "surface" and help me to see the great mass of myself that is hidden even from  myself. Once these places become known territory, I can chip away at the parts that I no longer need. I become lighter and I gain the ability to communicate to others the true dimension of who I am.

Helps make for much more interesting and safer passages across the oceans of my life.


John Carlson

Five Regrets

Excerpted from the website Inspiration and Chai, by Bronnie Ware. The lessons of LLF lead to a loving, more fulfilled life, safeguarded from such regrets.

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. . . . When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

TO READ THE FULL STORY CLICK HERE

A Week at the Beach- Gazing and Witnessing

I am looking forward to time with family at a beach house we have shared for one week a summer for almost twenty years.

The family configuration has changed through the years. Divorce has lead some family members to other pathways; death has taken the physical presence of another away; aging and disabilities have prevented others from the trip; while remarriages and new relationships have brought new family into the picture. Just writing this brings both tears of joy and sadness to my eyes at the same time as I think of all those with whom I have shared the time and space.

In the past this excursion to the beach has been a time and place to "de-tox" from a strenuous year of teaching or school administration, or to shelter from hurts from my divorce, or to just "vacate" from the stresses that I experienced in daily living. This year is different. I find myself without the need to "de-tox", shelter or "vacate". I have this great desire to spend time gazing at the family individuals who will share the week with me and witnessing what wonders they each are. I hope and pray that I will be able to experience these practices of the Love, Loss, & Forgiveness Project with the ease of a young mother (which I haven't been for years) for her child. For what else do I really need to do during this week?

Blogging for Love...

Blogging for love, loss, and forgiveness. There are a lot of people out there reading this today who've had experiences with the practices of the Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project and I would like to invite you to write down those experiences and share them with us. You can send your submission to me at the address below and I will post them on this blog (we reserve the right to edit for size and content). It would be great to have your voices here as part of this community that we are developing online for Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project work.

Also some of you have shared that you're having trouble leaving comments in the comment section. Comments are a great way to start conversations and to get people to think about things that they may not have considered before and we would love you to comment when you feel moved. So, if you are having trouble posting in the comments section, I'd like to hear about it so that I can make corrections and changes, if possible.

I'm very excited about the forward movement of the project and I'm very happy that you're here with us, and hope that you'll share more by sending your stories about your experiences and your thoughts on Love, Loss, and Forgiveness!

I can be emailed at LLFProject@gmail.com

Looking forward to sharing your insights! May the blessings of love be upon you!


- Hide quoted text -


John Carlson

Tom's Place

I am thinking about moving on. I've lived at the same address for more than seven years, a lovely cottage I rent in an older section of a quiet suburban town. I've made friends here and am comfortable, but lately a voice has been telling me my time here is complete. The house is at end of a dead-end street, a pregnant metaphor if there ever was one, but never mind that. I don't mean a subdivided cul-de-sac, but a true dead end. The road just stops. I cherished the place for my first five years, because the street terminated at an overgrown farmstead occupied by a old man named Tom. Mine was one of three small houses on the street overlooked by Tom's 300-year-old home and barn, both painted farmhouse red. Tom was a hoarder and not much on maintenance, so the yard was always overgrown and the house and barn were falling in. Yet for all its decrepitude, the house possessed a true beauty both of proportion and character.

The property was, as I said, an old farm, and the lot beside it was a grove of soaring trees, basswood and cherry, which each morning ignited with birdsong. Deer lived in the thickets, as did rabbits, raccoons and the occasional opossum. I was ten minutes from the capital city, living in a microclimate of rural charm. All that changed when Tom slipped and injured his wrist three winters ago, and his family, in-laws primarily, used the occasion to seize his power-of-attorney while he was in the hospital. They proceeded to commit Tom against his will to a nursing home, and soon a dumpster arrived at the house and strangers threw eight decades of my friend's life into oblivion. Some months later, I was awakened to the sound of chainsaws razing the grove of its trees. Finally, I left one morning for work with the house and barn still standing and returned after dark to a sense of something amiss. Tom's place was now a blank piece of land. Huge machines had erased both structures in a matter of hours.

There are four nearly identical suburban houses occupying Tom's property today, soul-free boxes conceived and built to maximize profit. And while they are not the only reason I'm feeling it's time to go, their presence is not an unimportant one. Love, Loss, and Forgiveness founder N. Michael Murphy speaks of the importance of the gaze, through which we regard the world not in scrutiny and judgment but with a receptive heart. The gaze is that mutual sharing of love that passes between mother and child. When we gaze in this way, be it at ourselves, another, an object or a landscape, we actively create this same experience of cherishing warmth.

Tom's home was a place where I gazed endlessly with my eyes, my ears, and my heart. Such a gaze no longer feels in place in my new suburban enclave. This is not an elegy for the way things were; I accept that things change and life moves on. I am changing as well as I progress in the work of LLF. My dead-end street and I, once well-matched, have transformed in opposite directions.  The time is nearly upon me when, as much as I will miss the pleasures of living here, staying will no longer be possible.

Teaching That Which Isn't Taught

Michael, John and I have had several conversations recently about "teaching that which isn't taught", that which assists us in loving and caring for ourselves and each other. The Love, Loss, & Forgiveness Project "teaches" us how to do this.

May I suggest, for those of us who teach children, another source for imparting love and care for ourselves, our co-workers, and children we 'nurture'. It is called 'Nurturing the Spirit in non-sectarian classrooms', by Aline D. Wolf. Written from a Montessori point of view, it is easily used in most educational settings.

Maria Montessori wrote in her 'Education for a New World', "Education should no longer be mostly imparting of knowledge, but must take a new path, seeking the release of human potentialities." (1946)

Fears Present

As a think back on my fifty-three years of life, and the times when I have faced my most significant fears (fear of: heights, water, tests, being good enough, intimacy…oh, must I go on?), I realize that most of my important life’s lessons, my times of greatest growth, have occurred at these epic moments when I have faced those fears or somehow lived through coping and/or dealing with them. Fear can be an amazing teacher, something that can put us in touch with who we are and our greatest internal resources.

If we live long enough, we will all face that which we most fear. Be it the death of a parent, the loss of a child or spouse, or our own difficult health issues, and eventually- the real boogieman in the closet- our own death. If we push these trials and tribulations out of our minds, if we do not have healthy ways of dealing with them as they arise, they can shut us down, dampen our spirits and bring us daily doses of discontent. Denying these dreadful moments will not keep them away, they will keep us away… from living full and loving lives.

I have found, with no uncertainty, that doing the practices of the Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project and interacting with others who do them as well, that I have developed both a workable toolkit for coping with fear and uncertainty and a reliable community that helps me stay present for those difficult “presents” that life will surely throw my way.

What do you think?

I am learning to knit. As I wrap my mind around each stitch and try to focus enough to get the twists and turns just right, I am also learning to slow down, look closely at what is before me, and to relax (or the stitches tighten terribly making future movement frustrating and difficult).

The greatest lesson so far comes from considering how small variations in one single stitch can create such dramatic effects on the outcome of the finished piece. Yarn twisted one way gives you a smooth look; another gives you a ribbed look; make a Trinity stitch and you are left with something that looks like a blackberry (the kind you eat, that is!)

Is this not true for the rest of my life as well? One thought twisted one way or another, followed by the next thought creates the structure of my awareness and the place where I live out my days. It reminds me that I must learn to guide my thoughts and to take responsibility to knit my own thinking in ways that create the best possible outcomes in the fabric of my life.