Letting Go: A Magical Experience

Daniel, Laura, & Miriam Gates (Photo courtesy of John Carlson)

We got the call from my brother. Papa had just passed away at the nursing home. My mom and I went out the door.....I suddenly felt him everywhere at once, in the stars, the fragrant night air, the cricket's chorus, the trees, the earth......more potently present than where he had just been, in a body that was broken and painful and uncooperative. As we moved towards the car, I found myself turning to the thick darkness and saying, "Dad, we're going to say goodbye to your body, but I know you are here....and we'll be right back!" We arrived at the nursing home, and then we saw his face, and he looked like himself for the first time in a year, really. No more contortion of discomfort, smooth as a calm lake, and a gorgeous smile! So what was your transition like, Dad? Who escorted you through the portal? What does it feel like to expand in every direction with no limitations? How wonderful to be done with your body, and begin anew. I see/feel your smile inside my head/heart and am delighting in this magical experience. I know the waves will hit me harder down the road, but for now I relish in this palpable connection with this mystery, this miracle of death, and with the pleasure of celebrating amazing, brilliant, kind hearted, wonder-filled you with everyone, and with myself. Thank you!

Your loving daughter,
Laura


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Announcement: Share your Stories

One important aspect of The Love, Loss and Forgiveness Project is creating community, and one way to do that is for us all to share our stories.

We invite you, the readers of this blog, to this new Thread (a "Thread" is a weekly posting with a specific topic or focus) called "Letting Go," that will highlight postings written by you; stories about your personal experiences with fear, loss and grief and what you did, or tried to do, to re-member yourselves as you moved through the difficulties. If you so chose, your submissions may be made anonymously.

The stories should be under 450 words, longer submissions will be posted as a series over a number of weeks.

One of the fun and educational parts of a Blog is the comments feature, please click on the word "comment" after each post and use this opportunity to interact with the community in support of each other's story's. There is so much we can learn from one another.

As this new Blog develops, we invite your ideas for other topics as possible new Threads.

Please send submissions to our Blogmaster Debra Pearlman debra@pearlproductionsllc.com.

Letting Go: Farewell to my Father

A year ago today, at an intensive care unit in a New York City hospital, I placed my left hand on my Dad’s heart just as he died. The rush of energy that flowed through me at that moment is as unforgettable as the spirit of the man who fathered me into this world, a gentleman who always did his best to provide his family with support and love.

Today, on this anniversary of his passing, I lit a candle that will burn for 24 hours in his memory, illuminating the very last photograph I took of him alive. In quiet reflection I wonder how it is ever possible to let someone like him go completely—to accept fully his death—to let the parts of him that I still may harbor in myself move up and out of me, allowing for his souls own completion in whatever state of grace it finds itself in now. And letting go, must go both ways, for my soul too needs to find wholeness as a still living being on this planet.

Mother turned 85 years old this November, and me, 50. For our birthdays, we decided to skydive for the very first time. It was something she always wanted to do, but knowing it would scare my father to death, waited until he actually was gone to do it.

For me leaping out of a plane 14000 feet about the earth, was in many ways an experience as close to dying as I ever had before. In fact, there was much about it that mirrored Dad’s experience of a year ago; the intense aloneness (even while in the company of others, it was something ultimately each of us had to do ourselves), the newness of sensation (our bodies were experiencing things they had never suffered before, for me it was falling at 120 mph for 7000 feet) and the disconnection (we both had left the grounded-ness of the earth, for me, it manifested mostly as floating through large billowing clouds).

In reality, I was just a few threads of parachute cord and nylon material away from truly experiencing my own demise as well.

In a few hours the memorial candle will go out.

For Mother and me and our family, these two intense, life-altering experiences are behind us now. We must each, for ourselves; continue to say YES to life, to live each moment like it was our last, to acknowledge with love our own true beings and to hold these fragile and magnificent mortals, gently, for the rest of our days.


jdcarlson2001@yahoo.com

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Greetings All

Welcome to the new Weblog for the Love, Loss and Forgiveness Project.

It is easy for anyone who has engaged with Michael Murphy at one of his workshops on Love, Loss and Forgiveness to know the importance of what he does.

In his work he deftly guides participants towards making healthier connections with themselves and challenges them to go even deeper still. He connects them with their basic humanity, encouraging them to marry their thinking to their bodies, souls and spirits.

In short, he leads us to the acknowledgment of our selves, then opens us up enough to fall in love with what we find there and teaches us to use our own resources-- tools acquired through living life and experiencing loss-- to build a renewed sense of self that ultimately supports our living healthier and fulfilled lives.

We hope you will become a frequent visitor to this site, as we provide a place to share ideas and stories about our individual journeys towards learning to love ourselves, and in the process, help to make the world a saner place.

Below you will find an introduction written by Dr. Murphy.

Introduction: Love Loss and Forgiveness Project

Dr.Murphy in Ireland (Photo: J. Carlson)

Dear Friends,

In these days of war against terrorism, politicians have used fear of death along with suspicion, rumors, lies, and deception to retain power, and the media fuels this dark purpose. Confidence in politicians and the political process has reached drought proportions, and religions also offer little hope, with self-righteous fundamentalists fighting one another in the name of a higher power. If there is to be change and hatred and greed are to be displaced, love is the only solution. Love will not flourish unless it is deeply rooted in each of our individual Mortal beings. We must learn to love ourselves, and then love will spread.

The Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project begins with the impression that few of us love ourselves very much. We have been raised to put others first, especially our children, and there is little understanding that the greatest gift parents can give their children is that they love themselves and each other. Only then are children free to thrive in love.

One of the most important secrets of Love, Loss, and Forgiveness is that when we learn to love ourselves unconditionally, we are well prepared to love others, and hatred will have no place. Another secret is that when we are prepared to experience the pain and grief of everyday loss, we are also prepared to experience the creative possibilities that follow. When we are prepared to forgive, we will know how to lay down the heavy burdens found in our stories of betrayal, abuse and hurt. It is the weight of these stories that make the loving life so difficult to live. When we love ourselves, we say “hello,” and when we say hello to ourselves and others we are in a position to say “goodbye,” as it is inevitable that we will someday need to say goodbye to our Mortal selves, and to those we love.

As the The Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Project develops it will make available to you filmed materials (based on the workshops of the same name) and will be accompanied by interpretive guidebooks. There will also be a vibrant online community created for additional support with forums and other guided learning environments. These resources will help inspire and give you tools that will help you lead more loving lives as you create ongoing, home-based, peer learning opportunities that become woven into your everyday lives.

These materials and the methods will unfold on this blog and on the upcoming Website as the Love Loss and Forgiveness Project grows.

Join us on this exciting journey towards a deeper understanding of love, loss and forgiveness!

With Love,

Michael Murphy